dating, Love, Marriage, Men, relationships, Settling, Women

Is “settling” ever the right option?

Umm … no.

Apologies for being so blunt, but I wanted to avoid dragging things out. I’m sure some people may disagree with my stance, and that’s okay. Actually, there might be a few who would suggest that I give settling a try now on the verge of 32 and still single lol.

Besides, this time in isolation has gotten my friends and me talking, especially in terms of dating and love. And, after the usual complaints about the struggles of finding the “one,” the topic of settling emerged. It seems that as you get older and feel the weight of both internal and societal pressure, it’s easy to consider things you probably never would as a doe-eyed young person.

However, settling evidently is much more common than people let on. For example, I recently came across two articles, titled Why ‘Settling’ Was The Best Decision I Ever Made and Marry Him! The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. The latter was turned into a book and became a bestseller. Feel free to do a Google search if you are interested in reading it.

Nonetheless, the gist of both pieces is that women need to stop waiting around for love. Instead, they should choose a guy who is dependable and brings stability to their life. Makes sense, right?!?!

Here are the words of Lori Gottlieb, the author of Marry Him!, which are so perplexing that I need you to read it for yourself:

“Those of us who choose not to settle in hopes of finding a soul mate later are almost like teenagers who believe they’re invulnerable to dying in a drunk-driving accident. We lose sight of our mortality. We forget that we, too, will age and become less alluring. And even if some men do find us engaging, and they’re ready to have a family, they’ll likely decide to marry someone younger with whom they can have their own biological children. Which is all the more reason to settle before settling is no longer an option.”

Although initially published several years ago in 2008, there is still so much wrong with this statement. We are in the twenty-first century, and that women are writing this stuff for women is shocking, to say the least.

Now don’t get me wrong; for women who desire to be married before having children, statistics show that fertility decreases after the age of 35; therefore, prioritizing marriage is important. Still, in my opinion, you should never have to settle to get these things. While you can, I wonder how it feels to wake up each day with somebody that you know is not the best choice.

Rom-com’s and T.V. shows have left a lot of women, including myself at one point, in a fantasy land expecting to meet Prince Charming on horseback. In the process, some have passed on good potential partners because of their pickiness and impossible standards. Despite that delusion, I believe true love is real and attainable. Will everyone find it? I don’t know. But it is better to stay single forever than to spend the rest of your natural life with someone just to complete your checklist of accomplishments.

Personally, I would love to get married someday. It’s something that I dreamed about as a little girl and thought would happen in my 20s. Yet, life led me done a different path. Has it been easy? Absolutely not. There are many moments where I feel the absence of a partner. Nevertheless, I don’t regret passing on the opportunities for marriage along the way because had I gone through with it, I would definitely be divorced today.

A few years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy who ticked all the boxes. Still, I struggled because I didn’t feel attracted to him. I knew it from the beginning but continued in the relationship for fear of being single. Even a dear friend warned me to overlook my feelings since he was a good catch. Unfortunately, I listened. However, as time passed, things got messy, and we spilt. He deserved better, and I should have been honest with myself.

Therefore, settling for any relationship is a cost too high. After all, it is okay to be single. Plus, the 50 % divorce rate shows that selecting a partner should never be done lightly. So, if you are thinking of settling, please don’t.

Stay safe!

P.S. I would love to hear your comments. Should women and men start settling in relationships?

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