Living under a cloud of uncertainty can wreck your life, and unanswered questions create fear of moving forward. Raging questions flood your mind: What if I should have married him? What if I stayed at my job longer? What if I didn’t drop out of college? Eventually, you’re overwhelmed with anxiety, which makes you think about all the things that could have happened in your life…WHAT IF????
However, a possibility is not your reality, and there is no way to change those events that unfolded. The truth is that you didn’t go down a particular path because you weren’t supposed to. If a specific journey is meant to be, it will come to fruition. Nonetheless, it’s easy to contemplate how a situation could have worked out: If I had been a better girlfriend, maybe he would have married me? If I were more open, probably that guy would have pursued me? If I was smarter, I could have landed the job? Sure, things could have gone differently, but things panned out exactly the way that it did.
The what-ifs of life will always create doubts in you. Take a look at how you feel when you germinate in the past. They leave you depressed and unhappy. Running through every possible scenario of how you could have handled things differently robs you of your joy and peace. As a result, we idealize the past and shrink back when we don’t feel that we can move on or get another opportunity. For example, you could have continued working at that workplace, but the truth is that you would have hated it and checked out. Maybe leaving that job is going to open the door to your passion and doing something that you genuinely love.
Life will bring you a lot of opportunities. Sometimes you will use them wisely and other times, not so much. Whichever way things pan out doesn’t mean that your world has ended. Instead, you have the chance to improve so that when the next opportunity comes, you can be prepared to do the right thing. So what if your last boyfriend cheated on you, that does not mean that you won’t find a man who values and respects you. There is nothing that you could have done to change your ex’s behaviour. But what you can do is change how you are going to respond moving forward.
I have seen several friends robbed of the incredibly bright future that awaits them because of what happened in the past. They beat themselves up about what they could and should have done to change the result. This behaviour is unhealthy because it causes you to constantly live in the past and ruminate over what you cannot change.
What ifs are just that…what if? Don’t live your life with a big question mark hanging in the balance. Push forward and heal from those past wounds. There’s something beautiful on the other side.