Am I ever going to find the right person? When will it finally be my turn? Are all the good ones taken? Will anyone find me attractive? Should I change my personality to increase my options? What if I’m too picky? Will I be able to have children? Am I called to singleness? Does God hate me? Maybe I should give up hope of finding love?
If you are facing an unwanted season of singleness, then I am confident that you can understand the fears about being single. It seems that every where you turn, someone is getting married. Furthermore, your social media is filled with announcements about your friends and family members who are entering new relationships, getting engaged and enjoying their wedding. As you glimpse through the photos and try to be happy for them, you can’t help but wonder if God has forgotten about you. After all, there’s no date planned, no potential interest calling, and your fed up with the dating scene.
Well I’ve been there, done that and I’m still walking through singleness. Who knows if I will ever get married. But as I looked back on my own personal journey, I wish that people were more transparent about the realities of singleness. Whether you marry early or late, every person is single at one time or another. Therefore, I wish someone told me that waiting is hard. I wish someone told me that relationships don’t come easily and that not everyone will find what their looking for. I’m in no way saying that this means you should be picky and push away good potential partners, but let’s be frank, not every one is marriage material.
Growing up as a Christian girl, I can remember the words from older folks who said that if I kept myself pure and trusted God that I would find the man of my dreams. LOL! Faith and a relationship with God is not based on what He can give me for good behaviour. My relationship with God is based on the fact that He is my source of salvation. Without Him there is no Racheal. Therefore, many Christian women believe that if they demonstrate “good” behaviour that God will reward them with a husband. When the husband doesn’t appear, or on the time line that they wanted, they get mad at God and people. There’s no shame if you’ve thought this way because we are all coming from somewhere.
But as I mentioned earlier, being single is hard especially when you desire marriage. The desire doesn’t go away because you read your Bible more or go to church more often. And can I be transparent, singles desire sex and want to be loved. They desire affection and relationship. It’s a pity that so many single women feel guilt about having this desire because of fear and shame stirred up by others. Sex is meant to be beautiful, but based on my belief in the Bible, it should be exercised within the institution of marriage.
Now I honestly cannot give you an answer for your singleness, but I have learned some things that are helping me in my journey:
1. Marriage will not solve all your problems. It doesn’t matter how compatible you may be, no human can satisfy your every need and expectation.
2. I may never get married. This is a hard one to swallow, but it is the reality. Saying this takes some pressure off so I don’t rush and marry someone for the wrong reasons. But the reality is thay I may never get married and that is OK.
3. Singleness is not a curse. I know it seems like it, but being single has its perks. Your not less than someone else who has a spouse.
4. Your valueable just the way you are. It’s easy to equate value with marriage because someone chose you, but even if you don’t get married, your still wonderful.
5. Things are not always as it seems. A lot of people are in relationships and marriages that they want to leave. However, their social media reflects a perfect life. Keep your eyes on your own lane. The grass is not always greener on the other side.
6. Be happy for others. There’s something about being genuinely excited for other people’s happiness that removes jealousy and bitterness from our hearts.
Let’s not allow our relationship status to define us. Let’s live life to the fullest. It’s so much more beautiful!